Next year won’t be any different from any other

Column originally published Nov. 30, 2005

DES MOINES — People credit Albert Einstein for defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, which is pretty profound given that there’s no indication he was ever a Cubs fan.

The only group of people seemingly more optimistic than Cubs fans during spring training are Iowa legislators in November and December.

This year, they promise, will be the one where petty partisan politics are set aside in the name of real progress. This year will be the one where legislators vote with conviction and not just two eyes turned to their re-election campaign. This year will be the one where pre-session optimism will carry on into May and everyone in Iowa will be better off for it.

Given the recent track records, it’s pretty clear the Cubs fans are the more sane of the two camps. At least we made it to October a few years ago. Most legislative optimism is washed away roughly 20 minutes after the opening gavel.

Continue reading "Next year won’t be any different from any other."

What a long, strange trip it'll be

Column originally published Nov. 23, 2005

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — This year, I’m thankful for… well, I’ll just be thankful if I’m alive Thursday to even ponder what I’m thankful for.

As many of you read this, I’ll be nearing the end of one of the longest days of my young life. The reason: An airplane trip to North Carolina with my wife and 19-month-old son. On one of the busiest travel weekends of the year. Through one of the busiest airports in the world. With my parents.

Lest you jump to conclusions about the necessity of the journey, allow me to explain that this trip isn’t about Thanksgiving, it’s about a family memorial service for my grandfather, who died in September.

And lest you jump to conclusions about my relationship with my parents, let me point out that I see them as an asset on this voyage, especially since they owe me from the time we flew to Florida for Christmas when my brother and sister were about the age Jack is now. Did I mention we only had three seats for five people?

Continue reading "What a long, strange trip it'll be"

Hoping to say I told you so...

And only because I've met him and bought into the hype after a 20-minute speech:

National Journal, a respected Washington weekly magazine covering politics and government, asked 101 members of Congress and 137 lobbyists, former government officials and other political insiders which politician has the greatest potential to become president in 20 years.

The answer: the 44-year-old freshman senator from Illinois.

Of the 89 Democrats who responded, 45 percent picked (Barack) Obama, the Senate’s only black member, National Journal reported in its Nov. 11 edition. The second choice was “don’t know,” at 13 percent.

Some sample anonymous comments from poll respondents: “He’s a laser in a room of lamps,” and “He has the charisma and steady leadership qualities to make it to the White House.”

Read more, courtesy of the Rockford Register-Star, here.

And, as a potentially useless side note, did you know that Illinois is home to the Senate's No. 2-ranking Democrat (Dick Durbin) and the Senator who has more seniority than only one ofhis counterparts (Obama)? Well, you do now.

Notice

Blog updates will likely be nil until at least this time next week. We're going to Charlotte for a memorial service for my grandfather and Thanksgiving. On a plane. With Jack.

Anyhow, for more on that, go to the paper's site tomorrow to read my column, if they choose to upload it. Failing that, I'll check back in next week.

Later.

Time killer

How fast can you type the alphabet? So far, my best is 5.297 seconds. Try it yourself here.

Annoyances, irritations, nettles, chafes and so on

Column originally published Nov., 16, 2005

CLINTON — Just in case you’re wondering, and I know you all are, here’s a list I’ve been keeping of my pet peeves:

• Delivery and service trucks that still have the old 319 area code painted on the side.

• Loaner cell phones that take six weeks to understand — about as long as it takes to get your real phone fixed.

• The week before and after a haircut.

• Toddlers who have so much fun throwing dirty clothes down the laundry chute they start rifling through drawers of clean clothes for ammunition.

Continue reading "Annoyances, irritations, nettles, chafes and so on."

Wise Words

OK, we don't work at the same place or anything, but I think this is a pretty universal theme amoung journalists:

Journalism is an imperfect art. I always think of it as liquid history; we're trying to write for history, but it's like that quiz show where you try to put as many things in your supermarket basket as you can in 30 seconds.
--New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, in an interview with the Austin Chronicle.

(Thanks to Eric Zorn for the link.)

Kohawk update

Want to know how long it takes to get from Cedar Rapids to Moorhead, Minn.? According to Mapquest, it's about 7 hours and 48 minutes. More than 500 miles.

We all know the Proclaimers would walk 500 miles, but would they drive that far to see Coe play a football playoff game? I guess we'll see when Coe takes on Concordia College. See Bryan Boettcher's take on the game here (he's the Coe Sports Information Director these days, for those of you who remember him just as the Sigma Nu who ran the NCAA basketball pool each spring). And, in the interest of fairness, here's the analysis from the Cobbers' SID, who also provided the handy graphic I posted/stole.

I realize this information isn't really pertinent to most of you (including the Coe grads, who probably didn't care too much about the football team when they were students), but I thought I should slap something up here between Thursday and next Wednesday. So this is what you get.

Wildcat Update

I played on and against a few Little League teams with this guy -- he was always one of my favorites, but I don't think I've seen him since I graduated in 1997.

Family. Honor. Pride. Dedication.

Four words that entered into Sgt. Severin Griffiths' decision to join the U.S. Army and serve in the Operation Iraqi Freedom War.

"This is the best decision I've ever made, said Griffiths, a 1998 Libertyville High School graduate and third generation co-owner of Griffiths Kwik Kopy Printing in Libertyville. "I have never been more proud. My grandfather (Kenneth Griffiths) was in the Army and I wanted to follow in his footsteps."

Griffiths' regiment - 2nd Armored Cavalry, 13 Bravo Field Artillery Unit - spent 11 months in Sadr City, northeast of Baghdad. He said his unit was fortunate to have lost only one soldier - because of heat exposure and not a direct result of the war.

Read more, from the Libertyville Review, here.

Wise Words

The ongoing Terrell Owens saga (if you don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations and save yourself the trouble of trying to find out) is the kind of fodder sports columnists love. And I'm already sick of it.

As far as I'm concerned, no one has summed it up any better than NFL.com's Gregg Easterbrook, who writes Tuesday Morning Quarterback. His thoughts:

The descent from team play to selfishness is what started the NBA's tumble from charmed sport to vanishing ratings. It is imperative the me-first virus, busily destroying the financial structure of pro basketball, not be allowed to catch on in the NFL.

Read his whole column from week 9 here.

It's too darn early for Christmas decorations

Column originally published Nov. 9, 2005

CLINTON — In the wake of last week’s pro-youth diatribe, Clinton auctioneer Ted Wilk told me he believed I might be an 80-year-old trapped in a young person’s body.

I told him he’s far from the first person to tell me that, and with good reason. Because I say things like this:

It’s Nov. 9, less than two full weeks before Thanksgiving, and I have already seen three Clinton homes with full Christmas light displays erected and operational. Quite frankly, in the world of the trivial, I can’t think of anything that makes me angrier.

Continue reading "It's too darn early for Christmas decorations"

Time Killer

Have time to waste? Try to figure out everything that's going on here.

Evan's quasi-link of the week

I say quasi, because the e-mail Evan sent had only a link to an e-mail address. Anyhow, the text was too good to pass up. Remember, Evan lives in San Fran (which, much like Chi-Town, is probably a term the locals abhor), so this probably just came by him naturally:

San Francisco 2005
Nov 14th - Dec 5th
Regular price $35
Sign up deadline Nov 9th

StreetWars is a 3 week long, 24/7, watergun assassination tournament that has already taken place in New York City, Vancouver, and is now coming to San Francisco.

At the start of the game you will receive a manila envelope containing the following:
• A picture of your intended target(s)
• The home address of your intended target(s)
• The work address of your intended target(s)
• The name of your intended target(s)
• Contact information of your intended target(s)

Upon receipt of these items, your (or your team's) mission is to find and kill (by way of water gun, water balloon or super soaker) your target(s).

You can hunt your target down any way you see fit; you can pose as a delivery person and jack them when they open the door, disguise yourself and take them out on the street, etc.

If you are successful in your assassination attempt, the person you killed will give you their envelope and the person they were supposed to kill becomes your new target. This continues until you work yourself through all the players and retrieve the envelope with your (or your team's) picture(s) and name(s). Then you win. Cash…but first live in fear.
• Find out more about our upcoming San Francisco Game
• Sign up for the San Francisco Game

Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net.

---

I think I can safely say this kind of thing will never happen in Clinton.

Evan's link of the week

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Read more Random Chuck Norris Facts... such as this one:

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

...here.

Wise Words

I'm not saying I totally agree with this (although I probably do), but author Chuck Klosterman made this very interesting point in a column for ESPN.com today:

Everything is situational, and that reality informs how I interpret the world. At least within my mind, it seems as though any people who consciously and consistently perceive themselves as right-leaning or left-leaning are simply admitting that they don't want to think critically about complexity. It always strikes me as staunchly unsophisticated and mildly insane.

You can read the rest, which is mostly about sports, here.

Life with Baby

Ways to tell you have a toddler in the house, #167:

You come home from work, go to use the bathroom and find a Winnie the Pooh bowl full of strawberry rice puffs sitting on the toilet.

Classified information

You've got to love this ad that has been running in our classified section:

Part time computer geek wanted. Lazy, irresponsible geek needed for web work, graphics projects and general computer up keep. Ideal candidate must mumble about bandwidth, not listen well, and be late for work or unavailable when needed. Sense of humor required. Fax resume...

Seriously. Read that and more (not sure why you'd need to, of course) here.

For old time's sake

I decided that, just in case you all were too busy to go searching yourself for the photo of Jack in last year's Halloween costume, to do the dirty work for you and repost it.

See? Aren't I a doll?

Anyhow, one of the other things I really want to do with the site (at some point) is catch up on old photos of Jack from the summer, since I'm not sure I've posted anything since his birthday. And you all deserve to see what a cute kid he is before he inevitably gets to the awkward stage (I can't decide if I'd rather him have that now before he knows what's going on or later to maximize his youthful good looks. These are the things I think about).

Anyhow *(I start a lot of paragraphs that way) here's my son as poo. I mean Pooh. (Never gets old. And yes, I'm a moron.)

Where's your tummy?

There it is!

Climb ev'ry mountain

This is one of Jack's newer tricks. On the one hand, it's nice because we know he's hungry when he starts climbing into his high chair. On the other, there's the whole possibility of him cracking his melon on the kitchen floor. To clarify, that is not a good thing.

He also will attempt to climb into my car and into his car seat. This also is a nice change because usually he wants to do anything but get in the car (he loves being outside, which does not bode for a happy baby once it starts getting really cold). Since he thinks he's dong something, it's easier to get him in the car by making him think he has control.

I just wonder how long I can outsmart him.

Happy Halloween

Jack did not so much enjoy his lovingly homemade scarecrow costume this year, a far cry from last year's outing as poo... er, Winnie the Pooh (see the link at right to track down the old photo).

Young people have a right to their opinions

Column originally published Nov. 2, 2005

CLINTON — Warm up the dead horse, ‘cause I’m ready for a whoopin’.

As you may or, more likely, may not have noticed, municipal elections in Iowa are next Tuesday. If you live in Clinton, this fact means absolutely nothing since there are no contested elections for all four available City Council seats, meaning if the candidates merely vote for themselves they’re virtually assured election.

I addressed this topic at the end of September and will do so again today, with the same caveat: My frustration here is not meant as a personal indictment of any of the current council members. It’s not their fault no one else is running.

Anyhow, after that column ran, I receive two direct responses. One was from someone my age who expressed happiness that I’d voiced what he’d long believed. The other was from an e-mailer who’d lived in Clinton for 20 years but moved away. And here, more or less (I cleaned up the spelling) is what he wrote:

“I would never vote, or tell anyone else to vote, for anyone under the age of 40. Young people are easily controlled by the ruling elite and are impressed with authority. I would strongly advise you to never look to anyone young for anything except compliance to conformity. ...

Continue reading "Young people have a right to their opinions."