Rude but hilarious

All right, you may not appreciate the language, but the video is pretty funny nonetheless. Click here. And turn your speakers down if you're viewing this at work.

Who loves ya baby?

I know Ozzie Guillen says he loves his players... but does anyone think his relationship with Tadahito Iguchi may be a little too personal?

Baseball, in its glory

As a fan of baseball and a writer (who is also a fan of baseball writing), I can't help but appreciate the Julia Keller piece in today's Tribune, despite the fact that she was motivated to put pen to paper by a White Sox World Series sweep. (But hey, the Astros are devastated and I couldn't be happier).

Here's a sample:

Baseball is played in the summer but ends in the autumn, when the light starts to fail and kids are called inside early, taken reluctantly from their games in vacant lots and dead-end streets. The moments are precious because they perish. The joy is special because it's temporary. "Death is the mother of beauty," wrote Wallace Stevens. What makes today so amazing—the first full day after the Sox victory—is that it is unique in the history of the world. And will remain so. Cherish it, because it is moving steadily out of your reach.

Read it all here.

Hugh Gallagher's 'College Essay'

OK, so I'm getting my weeks this week from The Sport's Guy's intern. But seriously, how can you pass up something like this maybe/maybe not a real college entrance essay? Seriously, it includes the phrase:

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

It is on days like this I wonder what my grandparents ever did without the Internet.

Uncle Jesse

Got a broadband connection? Enjoy this oddly amusing John Stamos interview with a TV station.

A look at the world from 1987 to 2022

Column originally published Oct. 26, 2005

BELOIT, Wis. — I’m an easy mark.

Beloit College recently released its annual “Mindset List,” which is basically good for two things, e-mails that get forwarded across the world and column fodder that inevitably has to reference Beloit College.

I of course, took the bait, so here’s my column with the inevitable reference to Beloit College (though I may be the only columnist who includes a reference to Coe College’s football dominance over the Beloit Buccaneers, with an all-time mark of 29-8-1).

If you’re not familiar with the list, the basic idea is take the birth year of the current crop of college freshmen, then take a look at pop culture since that year and scare the old folks by how pointing out how different their world is from the class of 2009.

Continue reading "A look at the world from 1987 to 2022"

Wise Words

The Astros aren't toast yet, but the Krups is plugged in and set on high brown.
--From ESPN.com's Gene Wojciechowski.

Must-see Series

As I (briefly) opined yesterday, a non-Yankees World Series is a beautiful thing. ESPN.com's Jayson Stark (one of the few ESPN baseball columnists you can still read for free) gives us 10 reasons why this Series will be an enjoyable experience, TV ratings be damned. Here's a sample:

6. The 'This sure beats the NFL' factor

Another refreshing result of having the Yankees not go to the World Series every single year is that it provides the opportunity for baseball to brag about stuff like this:

Over the last four World Series, eight different teams have shown up (Astros, White Sox, Red Sox, Cardinals, Marlins, Yankees, Angels, Giants).

So how long has it been since that paragon of competitive balance -- the NFL -- managed to put eight different teams into four consecutive Super Bowls?

How about 1985-88? (Please rush some smelling salts to Paul Tagliabue's office.)

Since then (starting with '88), only nine different franchises have won a Super Bowl. But we're guaranteed that, once this World Series is over, 11 different franchises will have won a World Series in the same time frame.

So which sport has the competitive-balance problem again?

Click here for the whole thing.

Mom & Jack

No special reason to post this, but I did format three pictures from the roll developed last week. Here's the third, which Kristie says is one of the few pictures of her and Jack she actually likes.

Katrina may never be over

I've been meaning to post this for almost two months now, but I've always put it off for whatever reason.

If you have the time, I strongly urge you to click here for a Sept. 4 piece written by the Tribune's excellent Charles Madigan.

I know there were countless inches of newsprint devoted to Hurricane Katrina. I produced some of them myself. And I'm not by any means saying Madigan's piece is the best or most poignant or anything like that. But it struck me when I read it, and it seems to be something that, in years past, I'd have clipped out to save. In 2005, I decided to bookmark it and perhaps print it later.

Because I'm saving it -- for me, and for Jack, who, even if he never needs it for a school project or anything, should be able to have access to things like this -- things that were written in the moment. Anyone can write a book 30 years later and compile people's memories. But grabbing the instant, the surface, the now -- it's not impossible, but when done well, it's incomparable.

Two teams, one champion

Well, unless you've been living under a rock or are one of those people who doesn't even acknowledge the existence of professional sports, you know the World Series starts tomorrow. In Chicago.

You also know the White Sox are playing the team from Houston I've grown to despise. And, if you know me, you know I really, really want to see Astros fans suffer. I hope Paul Konerko hits five home runs over that goofy short porch in left field the way Lance Berkman has made his big postseason splash. I also hope Roger Clemens gets thrown out of a game based solely on his surliness and that Craig Biggio gets hit so hard by a pitched ball that he has to visit a reconstructive surgeon. But I digress.

Can the White Sox win this thing? Can Houston win this thing? This isn't exactly a match-up of teams that are so complete and dominant that everyone is anxiously awaiting the outcome. Of course, how many times has that happened in any pro sport in the last 25 years?

The point remains, the Astros have one hall-of-famer (Clemens), one tested but not necessarily dominant veteran (Andy Pettitte) and one young gun their fans revere like we Cub fans adore Mark Prior/Carlos Zambrano (Roy Oswalt). The White Sox are coming off what is pretty much the best postseason starting pitching performance in two generations, when the bullpen was used to record a total of two outs.

The Astros can hit a little, with young Chris Burke showing why Biggio needs to retire. Tavarez has a cannon in Center (he threw out three Cubs at home in three straight games this year). Morgan Ensberg hasn't been the same since getting hit by a pitch a few weeks ago, but Berkman is legit (short porch notwithstanding).

On the other hand, Konerko is a monster when he's hot (and he is smoking right now), Jermaine Dye had a 30-plus homer season, Pierzynski is the definition of an X-factor and hey -- that Tadahito Iguchi could very well win the World Series MVP. That is, of course, if Joe Crede (who many Sox fans wrote off for dead at least once in each of the past three seasons) suddenly stops his Mr. October act.

I think I'm just too familiar with both of these teams to have anything to predict. Nothing would surprise me, really, including a four game sweep by either team or a for-the-ages Game 7 next Sunday.

Like I said (or may have said -- I've certainly thought it) recently, the nicest part of the whole deal is having a fresh look (read: No Yankees) in the Series. It may not be good for Fox, but it's good for baseball. More teams each spring truly believe they can be World Series contenders, and Houston, Boston, Florida and Anaheim have shown why the Wild Card is so vital.

Also, if either one of these teams can win, then the Cubs can certainly blast the "Why not us" horn.

I'm always so excited for the World Series, even though it means we enter the dreaded three-month span with no baseball whatsoever. Who cares -- this is one of the best weeks of the year, and I'm excited for whatever plays out. Except the Astros winning. That might make me vomit.

Cubs fans forced to chose the least of three evils

Column originally published Oct. 19, 2005

And so it is down to this — the three teams Cubs fans hate most are the only three left playing for the right to be called World Series champion.

Seriously, is there a way to put a positive spin on this? If the Astros or Cardinals prevail, Cubs fans will be beaten over the head with that fact for almost 20 games next season. And if the White Sox win, well, do we really need to talk about how uncomfortable that would be?

Sox fans already hate Cubs fans. They hate our stadium. They hate our over-the-top worship of Harry Caray, who was a Sox broadcaster before he attained global fame with the Cubs. They hate our Billy goat curse. They hate that we’re even better known for our losing than them, even though the Sox have been first rate losers for many, many seasons since 1917.

They hate the same people I do — people who show up to a game to drink $7 beers, pick up a sunburn and work the cell phone the entire time. When Ryne Sandberg, at his Hall of Fame induction speech, ripped players who always know where to find the dugout camera with the red light on, he also should have harpooned the hundreds of idiots in the $100 seats behind home plate who wave at Lord knows who for nine innings straight.

But despite all that, I’m inclined to see the White Sox as the lesser of three evils here.

Continue reading "Cubs fans forced to chose the least of three evils."

Submachine

Click here to enjoy a point-and-click game called Submachine. And, if you're like me and you give up way, way too fast on these things, click here for the fairly simple solution.

News you can use

God bless The Onion, which I haven't been able to get on OS9 at work and just had time to check today for the first time in probably a year. It's all new and fantastic. Anyhow, here's a beauty:

Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers
MIAMI—Florida Marlins pitcher Antonio Alfonseca dominated the MLB in appendages for the ninth straight year, finishing the 2005 season with a league-leading 12 fingers. Alfonseca, who made his debut with the Marlins in 1997 and wasted no time making this particular statistical category his own, led the NL for almost the entire season, only falling into a close second during an unusual two-week period in mid-August. Alfonseca's performance will trigger a $1 million bonus, as the Marlins signed him to an incentive-laden, oft-criticized, finger-enumeration-based contract. "Antonio has been through a lot this season, including some elbow problems and a trip to the DL," manager Jack McKeon said. "But in the end, he just went out there and had a lot of fingers." There was once again a tie for second place behind Alfonseca, with 214 pitchers amassing 10 fingers each, followed by Bob Wickman, who finished last with 9.7.

God bless America.

Baking with baby

Here's Jack helping Kristie make a batch of chocolate chip cookies.

This is the kind of thing you don't get to do when you're teaching other people's kids all day. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course, but it's a matter of perspective.

Kristie sometimes has rough days with Jack (as would anyone dealing with a toddler), but she always said "If I'm going to be tired and miserable at the end of the day, I''d like it to be because of my kid." Coming home from work and being too worn down to deal with your child is no fun for anyone.

My job isn't as emotionally demanding as teaching, so I never fully had that issue. But even so, I like to unwind a bit at the end of the day, and I have to say I prefer to come home in the middle of Jack's nap instead of the end, because then I have a small chance to be Scott before I have to be Dad.

Baby update

OK, so I've learned how to post photos directly to the blog with the new Blogger software stuff.

I should probably take the time to upload the better part of each roll of film we develop to the photo album, but I thought it'd be nice to get a few of my favorite shots of Jack up here every so often. And we just got our most recent roll developed on Thursday, so I'm being pretty timely.

As you can see, Jack likes to stack blocks. I think he may have had some help with this particular tower.

Also, I noticed I haven't done anything with a photo CD since Jack's birthday, which was about 6 months ago. That means I have an entire summer's worth of pictures that we've been hogging. His hair has gotten so curly that the old pictures don't really even do his cuteness justice anymore. I will try to remedy this situation.

Brainerd update

Anyone who's not from Libertyville probably won't give a rip, but there's new developments in the Brainerd building saga, via the Daily Herald:

Members of a Libertyville-Vernon Hills Area High School District 128 board committee aren't sold on a plan that would turn the shuttered Brainerd Avenue campus in Libertyville into a community center.

During an hour-long discussion Tuesday night, property committee member George Sachs asked whether district officials really want to sell the property, which contains athletic fields, a 76-year-old gym and an 89-year-old classroom building.

Board President Anne Landgraf questioned the viability of the community center plan, which was developed and championed by a citizens group called the Brainerd Preservation Committee.

"What kind of real business plan is there? Is this a feasible thing? Can this really happen?" asked Landgraf, who sits on all of the board's committees. "I need to see more than a lot of enthusiasm."

Want to know more? Read on here:

Wondering what's next in Great Places odyssey

Column originally published Oct. 12, 2005

CLINTON - Here's the general reaction I've heard since the Oct. 3 announcement that Clinton was selected as one of three pilot cities in the state's Iowa Great Places initiative:

”Congratulations ... how much?“

That's ”How much?“ as in ”How much money is the state going to give us to build all the things we put in the proposal?“
My answer is the same as everyone else on the local Great Places committee: I haven't the foggiest idea.

Continue reading "Wondering what's next in Great Places odyssey"

Faster than a speeding bullet

Read this on ESPN.com this morning:

Former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra rescued two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor late last week, his uncle and a witness told the Boston Herald.

Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs on July 31, 2004, was with his uncle in his Charlestown condominium at about 10 p.m. Friday when they heard a scream and a splash, said the uncle, Victor Garciaparra.

As soon as the All-Star shortstop and two-time American League batting champ ran out the door to help the woman, her friend also fell in, hitting her head on the pier, said Victor Garciaparra, who oversees his nephew's business and charitable ventures.

Victor Garciaparra jumped from the balcony to the water 20 feet below.

"I swam towards them and by the time I reached them, Nomar was already there holding the girls up," he told the newspaper. "But he couldn't get them up without help."

Read the whole thing here.

Four teams, one champion

Heading into tonight's ALCS game one, I think I've resigned myself to not caring who wins the AL and 100 percent backing the Cardinals over the Astros.

Largely, I'm just happy the LCS round isn't an exact repeat of last year, because there's no way you'd get the same great 14 games. Also, no east coast teams is nice.

I had a lovely argument with Evan today over Jim Edmonds, and he pretty much nailed me to the wall by first conceding that the guy makes easy plays look hard, but also pointing out he's better than 90 percent of the guys out there. Better than 27 other center fielders? Well...


I'd take Andruw Jones and Carlos Beltran over Edmonds in a heartbeat. After that... I don't think anyone has his more than passable defense while approaching his power numbers. I hate him as a person (I just think he's smarmy), but I'll be darned if I can come up with a third guy who's a no-brainer over Edmonds, unless someone magically brings back the Ken Griffey Jr. of the early- to mid-90s.

I don't make predictions because they're usually wrong, but again, I'm excited to settle in for a great week of baseball.

Wonderful, wonderful news

Just in case you're wondering (and I know you are) how good my fantasy football season is going, here's a little headline that made me want to exfoliate my knees with a cheese grater: Saints' McAllister out for season with torn ACL.

Thank you EPSN.com. You've simply made my Monday afternoon. Now we can watch Drew Brees throw a Kyle Orton-like 5 INTs tonight and all will be right with the world.

Blast from the past

Not for the weak at heart... or stomach: This awful Internet experience. Those at work may want to turn down their speakers.

Wise Words

Please enjoy a tidbit from this week's edition of Tuesday Morning Quarterback. The whole thing is better in context, but as a standalone it's still pretty good.

Fun fact: Voyager has an 8-kilobyte active memory in its main computers, versus a standard 128 megabytes in new desktop PCs for home use. That is to say, your home computer has 16,000 times more processing power than the computer running a spacecraft that has left the solar system.

See? You learn something every day.

Eight teams, one champion

All right, I’m glad we’ve opened up a little baseball dialogue. For the record, this postseason, for me, anyhow, is more about who I want to lose than who I want to win. Allow me to explain:

I hate, hate, hate with the fiery passion of a million suns the Houston Astros. The only way I could hate them more is if they signed Jim Edmonds to play center field. Suffice it to say, then, that I hope they lose in agonizing fashion. If they have to get to the World Series and blow it, well, so be it.

I don’t really have any feelings at all about the Braves. They pretty much just inspire boredom.

I never want to see St. Louis win, because I hate Cardinals fans rubbing success in my face, but San Diego is so overmatched in this series it would be a waste of time to root for them in the odd case I could find something likable about them, aside from the fact that Padre shortstop Khalil Greene is probably the only white kid from rural Pennsylvania ever to be named Khalil.

In the American League, I remember fondly the Angels of 2002, and some of the same faces are still around. Some of the newer faces actually came through Cedar Rapids, but not during the time I spent with the Kernels. The only one close is ace John Lackey )who started game seven in 2002 on his birthday) who was in CR for about a month the year I spent with the team, except it was the first month of the season and he’d been promoted before I showed up in June.

Then you have the Yankees and, well, you either love them or you hate them according to popular sports culture. I don’t really hate them, but I’d never root for them either. I couldn’t do it even when they lost to Florida in 2003.

I love last year’s Red Sox team, and the one from the year before. Without Pedro Martinez, however I thin some of the character is gone. Still, if pressed, they’d be my choice as favorite team in the postseason. And maybe the Cubs will find it in them to make a legitimate run at Johnny Damon during free agency this winter. I think they’d be better off going after Hideki Matsui to fill the hole in left field, but what do I know?

Anyhow, the Red Sox winning back-to-back series would have to be even more egg on the face of fans supporting a team that’s nearing a century of no-win baseball seasons.

Which brings us to the White Sox. I’m not so much a Sox hater, kind of like I don’t hate the Cardinals. I don’t want the team to do bad, but I do hope their fans end up in a vat of boiling oil. There’s no way for the Sox to win the Series and for the fans to not become even larger pompous assbags (apologies to my sister’s boyfriend, of course), so I can’t logically root for them, either.

At this point, I feel like Vezzini in "The Princess Bride"... "Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

And so on and so forth. No matter what, I love playoff baseball, even if I can’t find a team to support. Following the postseason closely is a true joy for baseball nuts, and it’s why I look forward to every October. Three games in, I’m already hooked.

They didn't win -- it's a shame

Column originally published Oct. 5, 2005

CHICAGO - "Do they still play the blues in Chicago when baseball season rolls around?"

Steve Goodman asked that eternal question before his untimely death in 1984. He continued by asking "When the snow melts away, do the Cubbies still play in their ivy-covered burial ground?"

Well, yeah. At the end of the 2004 season, I wrote off the season as a minor disappointment en route to what was supposed to be a glorious 2005. I even predicted Aramis Ramirez's All-Star selection (though it was Derrek Lee who almost had the MVP season, not Ramirez). I thought it would be impossible for a similar series of injuries and rotten luck to strike the Cubs again in 2005.

Boy was I wrong.

Continue reading "They didn't win -- it's a shame."

I'm still alive

Does anyone still visit me here? I know a few folks do, and I appreciate that.

Among my list of things to take care of are catching up on the webbing of our Jack pictures (though I may be throwing up just one or a two a roll -- he's still real cute, it just takes a long time to format the pictures to be small enough that I can upload them without crashing my ghetto dial-up connection).

Anyhow, perhaps the baseball posts will be copious as the playoffs continue. I unofficially gave up on the Cubs near the end of July (and the eight-game losing streak in early August) but held out enough hope that I still watched or listened to most every game. Some say devoted, others say masochistic. Either way, they lost. And it sucked.

Maybe my friend Evan, an avid Cardinals fan, fantasy football opponent and odd link supplier, will guest write some Cardinal blog entires. I may have to actually e-mail him about that, though. Either way, I know he's pulling hard for the Angels to win so he can head to a World Series game from his home in Oakland. Or San Francisco. Or whichever damn Bay Area city he lives in these days.

I'll try to do better than my weekly columns -- I promise. I still have thoughts, I just don't always have time to think them into text. I have updated some of my links on the right, inlcuding blogs owned by (in no order) a guy who used to live acorss the street from me and who was on the student newspaper staff with me in high school, his friend whom I also went to elementary school with, and another guy I've known since elementary school but mostly from church. I once got stuck in an elevator with his older brother, but only for a few minutes.

Also, in my random exceedingly good news for no apparent reason tidbit, I recently procured two 2.2-liter water bottles from Farm & Fleet. These things are awesome, totally dwarfing my 1-liter bottles from Hy-Vee (yes, I really am an Iowan now). Plus, they were empty, so I didn;t even have to suffer the shame of paying for water just to get the bottle.

God bless America.