Holding on is hard when it's time to let go

Column originally published Dec. 11, 2007

"Maybe somebody with really intense personal convictions can answer this for me: If heaven is so wonderful, why are we so afraid to send our loved ones there?"

Times teen columnist Aleesha Sramek of Woodland High School posed that question in her piece last week, and as I read her column I felt compelled to come up with an answer. I like to think I have intense convictions on a lot of issues, belief in the afterlife being one of those issues. However, I also know questions about life, death and the origin of the universe are beyond any human's understanding.

But back to Aleesha's question: It's not so much a fear of sending our loved ones to heaven as it is a selfish desire to keep them with us. As she pointed out later in her column, a lot of the sadness we express at the loss of a loved one is mourning for the way our own lives will be changed in their absence.

I have been to funerals for three of my grandparents. The first was 10 years ago as a college freshman, the third 13 weeks ago today. Given their health situations, I'd been prepared to lose each of them. But no matter how many times you tell yourself a loved one is going to die, and no matter if they are a physical part of your daily life or someone you see for holidays and weddings, nothing changes the fact they are alive one day and gone the next.

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