Monday, January 30, 2006
Time Killer
I'm sure you've all seen these in some other form, but now the fabled Intelligence test is even more fun to work on thanks to some nifty HTML code. And here's part 2 to boot.
Friday, January 27, 2006
E-mail fun
All right, I can't think of anything else to throw up here, and it's been a slow week alreadi, so here's the latest forward from my dad:
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"
This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, aka "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel:
10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."
9) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."
8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'"
6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."
3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."
2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."
AND THE WINNER IS...
1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'"
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
As heard on ESPN News...
I didn't catch who was saying it, but I did hear this lovely snippet from a baseball guru during one of the afternoon shows on ESPN News.
The question was "How about Sammy Sosa, how much would you pay him?" The answer? "$6.75 an hour."
The question was "How about Sammy Sosa, how much would you pay him?" The answer? "$6.75 an hour."
Lessons learned in a day on the farm
Column originally published Jan. 25, 2006
ELIZABETH, Ill. — Sometimes a writer has to accept the notion that he or she may not be the best person to try to capture something in words.
That’s the case in today’s column, of which I will yield the lion’s share to my father’s keyboard. But first, a little set-up:
Continue reading "Lessons learned in a day on the farm"
ELIZABETH, Ill. — Sometimes a writer has to accept the notion that he or she may not be the best person to try to capture something in words.
That’s the case in today’s column, of which I will yield the lion’s share to my father’s keyboard. But first, a little set-up:
Continue reading "Lessons learned in a day on the farm"
Monday, January 23, 2006
Reasons why I love my wife, no. 967
Here's how Kristie described Master P's performance on "Dancing With the Stars":
"It was like that time we watched Alfonseca try to bunt."And she was serious.
Wise Words
From Rocky Mountain News columnist Bernie Lincicome (formerly of the Chicago Tribune), describing how Ben Rothliesberger carved up the Denver Broncos in yesterday's AFC Championship Game:
Roethlisberger had enough time to read the Congressional Record while his receivers danced in spaces so open they could have been zoned for farming.I miss that guy. Read the whole thing here.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Kohawk update
An e-mail from Mat (PT) Adamson:
Jill and I are proud to announce the arrival of our son, Logan Christopher Adamson, at 2:35PM on Wed. Jan. 18, 2006. You can see pics of our bundle 'o joy by clicking here.Congratulations!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Who loves e-mail?
I do! I do!
Without e-mail, I probably wouldn't hear nearly as much from my friends from high school and college, and I certainly wouldn't be as likely to happen upon things like this article, brought to my attention by Mike Walsh. I'd tell you about it, but I think it would be more fun if I just copied the text of Mikey's e-mail:
Without e-mail, I probably wouldn't hear nearly as much from my friends from high school and college, and I certainly wouldn't be as likely to happen upon things like this article, brought to my attention by Mike Walsh. I'd tell you about it, but I think it would be more fun if I just copied the text of Mikey's e-mail:
you should read the entire thing, because it gets better. the penis part is the strangest, but the entire thing is kinda surreal.Seriously -- with a setup like that, you can't click on this link fast enough, can you?
Clinton's water towers -- whatta waste
Column originally published Jan. 18, 2006
CLINTON — That’s a big coffee pot.
There’s not much else you can say when looking at the cover of the American Profile magazine inserted in Tuesday’s Clinton Herald. It depicts, as I said, a really big coffee pot in Stanton with the headline “Whatta Water Tower.”
The secondary headline, “Hometown landmarks inspire community pride” needled one of my sore spots, because I can’t get over my dislike of Clinton’s water towers, the ones emblazoned with the “Iowa American Water Company” logo.
To me — and the authors of the magazine article — a water tower is a blank canvas waiting to be used to brighten up a community, to give it something that helps it stand out from the rest. In Clinton, we have billboards for a company we have no choice but to patronize.
In my hometown, the water towers were gun metal gray and simply said “Libertyville” in black, block letters. But even that’s a step up. Anyone who has been to a lookout point at Eagle Point Park and gazed eastward to the classy white water tower with the red letters spelling out “Fulton” knows how nice a simple name can be.
In Independence, where I last worked (motto: “America’s fame is in our name”) the water towers were painted with the stars and bars design reminiscent of the American flag. It’s not magazine-worthy, like the giant ear of corn or ketchup bottles featured in Profile, but it’s a nice thing to have that doesn’t really cost all that much.
Continue reading "Clinton's water towers -- whatta waste."
CLINTON — That’s a big coffee pot.
There’s not much else you can say when looking at the cover of the American Profile magazine inserted in Tuesday’s Clinton Herald. It depicts, as I said, a really big coffee pot in Stanton with the headline “Whatta Water Tower.”
The secondary headline, “Hometown landmarks inspire community pride” needled one of my sore spots, because I can’t get over my dislike of Clinton’s water towers, the ones emblazoned with the “Iowa American Water Company” logo.
To me — and the authors of the magazine article — a water tower is a blank canvas waiting to be used to brighten up a community, to give it something that helps it stand out from the rest. In Clinton, we have billboards for a company we have no choice but to patronize.
In my hometown, the water towers were gun metal gray and simply said “Libertyville” in black, block letters. But even that’s a step up. Anyone who has been to a lookout point at Eagle Point Park and gazed eastward to the classy white water tower with the red letters spelling out “Fulton” knows how nice a simple name can be.
In Independence, where I last worked (motto: “America’s fame is in our name”) the water towers were painted with the stars and bars design reminiscent of the American flag. It’s not magazine-worthy, like the giant ear of corn or ketchup bottles featured in Profile, but it’s a nice thing to have that doesn’t really cost all that much.
Continue reading "Clinton's water towers -- whatta waste."
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Wise Words
Charlie Madigan in a column posted today on the Chicago Tribune Web site:
I have known too many good people who died young, too many babies, too many young men and women, too many friends, to buy into an argument that they had done anything to deserve it.Read it all here.
Senseless death. That would be the first proof that these folks should just shut up.
The second would be the fact that so many people who have deserved to die across history were able to hang on long enough to do a tremendous amount of damage.
Adolf Hitler comes to mind first, with Josef Stalin and Vladimir Lenin close behind. But those are just the marquee names. There are oodles of bad people who frolic on the pathways of evil each day, spreading their badness the way a diesel bus spreads fumes.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Trib highlights
Three very interesting stories I came across recently on ChicagoTribune.com (login required, but highly worth it in this case):
■ Here is an excellent feature article on the new Superman movie, including detailed interviews with the director, title actor and Kevin Spacey, who plays Lex Luthor. Now I'm excited for this movie, and I don't even watch movies.
■ This piece is a quick preview of the new "American Idol" season that starts tomorrow on Fox. The big revelation? This year's show will be "meaner" than before. (Cue diabolical laughter...)
■ And finally, this article is a recap of a Cubs Convention Q&A session that gives not only details about the major bleacher expansion project, but also extra tidbits (no more 2:20 p.m. starts on Fridays).
■ Here is an excellent feature article on the new Superman movie, including detailed interviews with the director, title actor and Kevin Spacey, who plays Lex Luthor. Now I'm excited for this movie, and I don't even watch movies.
■ This piece is a quick preview of the new "American Idol" season that starts tomorrow on Fox. The big revelation? This year's show will be "meaner" than before. (Cue diabolical laughter...)
■ And finally, this article is a recap of a Cubs Convention Q&A session that gives not only details about the major bleacher expansion project, but also extra tidbits (no more 2:20 p.m. starts on Fridays).
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Vilsack fails with cigarette tax proposal
Column orginally published Jan. 11, 2006
DES MOINES — I’ve never really liked Tom Vilsack.
It probably goes back to the spring of 1999 when the newly-elected governor delivered a commencement address at old Coe College in Cedar Rapids. The guy talked for about 45 minutes, or so it seemed, with pretty much nothing worthwhile to say.
He’d already gotten his honorary doctorate, already won the election and yet still, there he was, yammering on with what may as well have been a stump speech. The problem is, the audience was a bunch of people who had already made up their minds to get the heck out of Iowa as soon as the ink on their diplomas dried, as well as their parents and extended families, many of whom came from outside Iowa just to hear some gubernatorial goober gab.
So that’s the reason I haven’t liked him for the past few years, but I’m coming up with a new reason.
Vilsack’s insistence on jacking up the cigarette tax 80 cents a pack while passing it off as a health care issue is the most insipid kind of political posturing. Worse, he’s avoiding a real solution, and the only reason he’s doing so is because he knows it would be political suicide.
Continue reading "Vilsack fails with cigarette tax proposal."
DES MOINES — I’ve never really liked Tom Vilsack.
It probably goes back to the spring of 1999 when the newly-elected governor delivered a commencement address at old Coe College in Cedar Rapids. The guy talked for about 45 minutes, or so it seemed, with pretty much nothing worthwhile to say.
He’d already gotten his honorary doctorate, already won the election and yet still, there he was, yammering on with what may as well have been a stump speech. The problem is, the audience was a bunch of people who had already made up their minds to get the heck out of Iowa as soon as the ink on their diplomas dried, as well as their parents and extended families, many of whom came from outside Iowa just to hear some gubernatorial goober gab.
So that’s the reason I haven’t liked him for the past few years, but I’m coming up with a new reason.
Vilsack’s insistence on jacking up the cigarette tax 80 cents a pack while passing it off as a health care issue is the most insipid kind of political posturing. Worse, he’s avoiding a real solution, and the only reason he’s doing so is because he knows it would be political suicide.
Continue reading "Vilsack fails with cigarette tax proposal."
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Cubs update
According to ESPN.com, Miguel Tejada no longer wants to be traded, which means neither Mark Prior nor Carlos Zambrano will be shipped to Baltimore. Which means that at least we can be somewhat confident in a few of our pitchers heading into the 2006 season. I think.
Tejada is a great player, but there's no way you ship a reliable pitcher off without getting one in return, at least when you're as thin in the rotation as the Cubs will be if Maddux remembers he's 41 and Wood's arm falls off again.
Tejada is a great player, but there's no way you ship a reliable pitcher off without getting one in return, at least when you're as thin in the rotation as the Cubs will be if Maddux remembers he's 41 and Wood's arm falls off again.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Kohawk(s) update
Not sure how many of you will have a chance to be in Washington, Iowa, this weekend, but if you are, here's where you can find Shortbus and Shimp:
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Life with Baby
Kristie's first words to me when I walked in the house to grab lunch on Tuesday afternoon:
"Your son (dramatic pause) bit my ass."
And so it is that I am again happy to be the breadwinner and not subject as frequently to the apparent ass-biting tendencies of my otherwise adorable child.
And for the record... he's Kristie's son, too. He's only just "my son" when he's in trouble.
"Your son (dramatic pause) bit my ass."
And so it is that I am again happy to be the breadwinner and not subject as frequently to the apparent ass-biting tendencies of my otherwise adorable child.
And for the record... he's Kristie's son, too. He's only just "my son" when he's in trouble.
Time to end toothless restrictions
Column originally published Jan. 4, 2006
CLINTON — What is 2,000 feet?
Aside from being the name of a garage band that used to play at my high school talent shows, it’s the minimum distance a registered sex offender in Iowa must live from things like schools and day care centers.
It’s also a false sense of security, because the law only permits people from taking up permanent residence inside the halo, and there are no border patrol agents making sure the offenders don’t simply walk or drive in.
In some communities, such as Dyersville, the 2,000 feet rule, approved by the state Legislature, wasn’t good enough, so they’ve banned registered offenders from living in the town altogether. They’re not banned from shopping in stores or visiting people they know of course, or even just driving the streets, but they can’t get their mail in Dyersville, so everyone must be safe.
Can you see how ridiculous this is? Iowans keep adding restrictions to where sex offenders can live, pushing them into rural areas without schools and daycare centers or, as we have seen in the Gateway area, across state lines to other communities with no such laws.
I oppose the residency restriction not because it’s too strict, but because it just doesn’t make any sense.
Continue reading "Time to end toothless restrictions."
CLINTON — What is 2,000 feet?
Aside from being the name of a garage band that used to play at my high school talent shows, it’s the minimum distance a registered sex offender in Iowa must live from things like schools and day care centers.
It’s also a false sense of security, because the law only permits people from taking up permanent residence inside the halo, and there are no border patrol agents making sure the offenders don’t simply walk or drive in.
In some communities, such as Dyersville, the 2,000 feet rule, approved by the state Legislature, wasn’t good enough, so they’ve banned registered offenders from living in the town altogether. They’re not banned from shopping in stores or visiting people they know of course, or even just driving the streets, but they can’t get their mail in Dyersville, so everyone must be safe.
Can you see how ridiculous this is? Iowans keep adding restrictions to where sex offenders can live, pushing them into rural areas without schools and daycare centers or, as we have seen in the Gateway area, across state lines to other communities with no such laws.
I oppose the residency restriction not because it’s too strict, but because it just doesn’t make any sense.
Continue reading "Time to end toothless restrictions."
Monday, January 02, 2006
Life with baby
Here's a tip for those of you who may be traveling with 20-month-old children any time in the near future:
Toddlers and college students, while great fun together, do not mix well as it results to internal body clocks. The college students, programmed to rise late and stay up until the wee hours of the morning, are irresistible to the attention-seeking children, who, when interacting with the young adults, completely and totally ignore the concept of a rational bedtime, staying up well past midnight to erect and destruct massive Duplo towers and laugh at pretty much everything.
Righting the internal bio-rhythm is a complicated process. Fortunately, an 8:30 p.m. to 8:30 a.m. night seemed to do the trick. But it may not work next time...
Toddlers and college students, while great fun together, do not mix well as it results to internal body clocks. The college students, programmed to rise late and stay up until the wee hours of the morning, are irresistible to the attention-seeking children, who, when interacting with the young adults, completely and totally ignore the concept of a rational bedtime, staying up well past midnight to erect and destruct massive Duplo towers and laugh at pretty much everything.
Righting the internal bio-rhythm is a complicated process. Fortunately, an 8:30 p.m. to 8:30 a.m. night seemed to do the trick. But it may not work next time...
Life in the 21st Century
Actual (OK, paraphrased) cell phone conversation between me and my brother on Saturday.
Me (in living room): Hey, where are you?
Matt (upstairs): Upstairs.
Me: Well we're getting ready to watch this movie.
Matt: I'll be down in a minute.
I'll admit, it was much funnier to witness, and it may not translate all that well to blogdom, but trust me, it was amusing. Worse, it wasn't the only time last weekend I called someone from inside the house.
Me (in living room): Hey, where are you?
Matt (upstairs): Upstairs.
Me: Well we're getting ready to watch this movie.
Matt: I'll be down in a minute.
I'll admit, it was much funnier to witness, and it may not translate all that well to blogdom, but trust me, it was amusing. Worse, it wasn't the only time last weekend I called someone from inside the house.
A little help
Well, it's come to this.
We're getting fed up with the high cost of cable from our local provider and considering a switch to DirecTV or Dish Network, both of which are available in our area (from the same dealer, actually). The main requirements are:
Cost less than cable; and
Offer the same amount of Cubs games (nearly all).
Any of y'all have any experience with either? I'm probably going to end up with the low-cost option, and my initial research tells me both should allow me to accomplish both goals, possibly saving more than $100 a year (even with the DVR options). But, I'm willing to listen to any and all suggestions.
We're getting fed up with the high cost of cable from our local provider and considering a switch to DirecTV or Dish Network, both of which are available in our area (from the same dealer, actually). The main requirements are:
Cost less than cable; and
Offer the same amount of Cubs games (nearly all).
Any of y'all have any experience with either? I'm probably going to end up with the low-cost option, and my initial research tells me both should allow me to accomplish both goals, possibly saving more than $100 a year (even with the DVR options). But, I'm willing to listen to any and all suggestions.
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